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Remember the movie “Contact” where Jodi Foster plays Ellie? Where she finally gets the chance not to just see the Alien but talk to it? The Alien, taking on the very personal, physical form of her father says to her, “You’re an interesting species; An interesting mix. You’re capable of such beautiful dreams and such horrible nightmares. You feel so lost, so cut off, so alone, only you’re not. See, in all our searching, the only thing we’ve found that makes the emptiness bearable is each other.” I think about this conversation a lot. Not just because it’s strange that the Alien knows what will get her attention (by looking like her father) and it talks to her in a language she can understand, but also in the context of the work that I do.

The very thing that we thrive on as a human race, CONNECTION, seems to be the most expendable and easily destroyed when it comes to family law litigation. Being so quick to sacrifice such a critical connection, we fail miserably at preserving what has given us the most joy, happiness and, at times, pain and growth. We destroy our most important connections in the name of “winning” or “being the better parent” or “being the primary parent”.

The Alien continues talking to Ellie stating, “I know you must think this is all very unfair. Maybe that’s an understatement. What you don’t know is I agree. I wish the world was a place where fair was the bottom line, where the kind of idealism you showed at the hearing was rewarded, not taken advantage of. Unfortunately we don’t live in that world.” The courtroom seems incredibly unfair most of the time. You walk in with idealism and walk out with a handful of emotional and financial destruction. I wish parents could just realize that yes, they didn’t work together as a couple, lovers or partners but they can continue working together as parents because they know the children need it and their future DEPENDS on it. I wish…

Until that time comes, I wish more than ever that parents would take the closure of their relationships and their parenting issues to an environment that supports them. That environment being the Collaborative Law environment. Collaborative supports parents making decisions that are best for themselves and their children as well as their co-parenting relationships. By helping parents honor their connection, it honors their children. The idealism of Collaborative is rewarded every time I see husbands and wives, parents, honor the history of them…their connection. I believe the world that we live in is capable of such a beautiful dream.

5 Responses to “Connection”

  1. Jill Setzer says:

    It is time that parents realize their children are not property or a piece in the game of chess — they are little people with big hearts that love both of their parents and always prefer mom & dad to be together. I think parents need to stop for a minute and realize that they once cared enough for one another to have a child/children — the greatest gift(s) of all!

  2. Leo Cusimano says:

    This was one of the best blogs I have read, very well thought out with insight and promise. Great job Brenda.

  3. You should post more, your blog is great

  4. Subscribed, bookmarked, now commenting, looking forward to new posts ! 🙂